Most of us have some experience of someone close to us, being attentive in moments of confusion. I remember my mother doing nightly checks, during my childhood colds with a fever. Sometimes it might be even a stranger, who would rush out of the mesmerised crowd, to check with someone who just fell off the bicycle, on the nearby street.
Care may be the most efficient, direct way to cut through confusion. A calm and collected guide to lead us out of agitation. Like a kerosene lamp remaining lit at the front door, because someone was attentive enough to add fuel and to cover the flame with the glass so that the wind and the darkness are kept at a distance. So that we can make our way safe inside.
Maybe less noticeable are situations where we keep our own lantern lit, when a part of us is present enough to prevent some version of chaos unfolding. What is that part and how can we have it with us more often so that it could lead us and those around us to safety?
Usually that part is not present when there is an unnoticed or overwhelming discomfort which takes most of the attention. The default solution is to push it away in hope that it will magically disappear, prolonging the struggle with it. A more efficient solution has been to stop and look in the direction of the pain, weather it is physically, mentally or emotionally blocking life’s entering, even through a simple breath.
This capacity to stop is trainable, in a more manageable setting. The most efficient way I have found was through breathing practice where the attention is constantly and consciously brought back.
Facing difficulty does not necessarily change any of the objective elements that create the discomfort but it momentarily fills the inner space with courage, with a sense of strength from being able to stand on one’s own feet looking at things that hurt. The underlying life affirming quality brings both ease and deepened trust in the engagement of the surrounding world.
A brave small step in the direction of pain unlocks virtues, unavailable until then, that shape a more mature, awake guide. One that is much needed by many of us.
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